The Dictator (Graham Carrick, club chairman) told me I was writing the rally report so, being a loyal minion, here it is. Firstly I personally would like to thank the committee for all their efforts for the club, despite all the petty bickering and behind the scenes politics! Colin Hilliard has done really well in boosting membership. Steve Hayward, despite his ‘resignation’, organised another excellent rally and keeps our website in check and under control which helps us foreign members feel a bit closer. Jethro Keenan sorted the ride out and continues to be a stalwart although he says he is not amphibious. Boyd Brooks brought his Tenere market stall full of fantastic club merchandise. And of course I’d like to thank Mr Carrick (The Dictator) for his continuing dedication to the club, to us members and to all things thumper; also keeping us all entertained with the newsletter (and his adventurous sidecar skills). Keep up the good work guys, our club appreciates you.

Right then the rally: fantastic. excellent, brilliant, where do I start? Well let’s start at beginning of my trip. I left my house in France at 5.00am Thursday to catch the ferry. Totally uneventful trip; stayed with friends Thursday. Friday morning went to Graham’s house where I met the heir to the dictatorship, young Dylan, with Sue who was radiating motherly pride. I was made coffee and bacon sarnies and after watching ‘Mr Last Minute’ sort out all his stuff as usual. We were ready to go, although I could have sat there chatting with Sue, Honour and young Dylan for several more hours. So away we went stopping only for petrol and some of your strange British pounds. Once we were up past Abergevenny I remembered Graham’s adventurous overtaking with a sidecar which causes a lot of “ohno ohno ohno, how did he make that?” and half the time expecting him to come back past attached to the front of an oncoming vehicle. We stopped at the bookshop cafe in Talgarth and had sausage sandwiches before continuing to the site.

When we arrived, several of the keener members were there already with tents pitched and had taken themselves to the pub. I sorted out my tent and started on the beer I had brought with me from France. I stood in the club gazebo greeting people as they arrived when my current dream bike rode in, a yamaha SZR660 with motocross handlebars.
“Hello” I said, “I’m Simon, welcome to the thumper club rally”
“ Ear plugs” he replied
“OK Mr Plugs, if you’d like to find a place for your tent and then sign in with Steve.”

it was around this time as I drank more of my cheap French beer that I met Patrick; what a laugh he is. If there was an award for being the butt of everyone’s jokes, Patrick had no competition. He was way ahead and even the two FT500’s didn’t receive any attention. Patrick was riding a pale purple Suzuki GN400 and it is obvious he has spent a fair amount of time and effort in tidying, cleaning, painting and generally improving his bike. Only to arrive at his first ever bike rally and have the piss taken all weekend. All through the rally he received a constant stream of Prince and Purple Rain jokes which he laughed along with and even joined in saying,
“It’s alright I’m used to it, I hear it whenever I go out on the bike.” By the end of the weekend the bike was known as Lilac Drizzle and he was The Motorcyclist Formerly Known As Patrick.

This year’s site I thought was really good although last year Graham and Sue paid for our bed and breakfast as a wedding present (thank you both) and the year before I only made it for the rideout so I don’t really have a good comparison. The food in the pub was good if a bit pricey especially as I have got used to eating out in France. After eating, more beer was consumed and I found Patrick and Rob playing darts. I decided that I was good at darts and challenged the winner Patrick to a game and lost, well not just lost but got totally annilihated.
“ah” I said “if it was round-the-clock I’d have you”. Well that resulted in another defeat for me despite Boyd cheering me on for half the game before realising he was flogging a dead horse. Funnily enough no-one wanted to play darts with Patrick anymore!! Everyone was taking the drinking easy because of the rideout in the morning and we headed back to the site where a few more drinks were consumed. In the darkness by the tents I heard a soft irish voice.
“I recognise that voice” I said
“oh f**k, is that that c**t Simon” the voice replied, “Are ye gonna stay away from the police cars this year?”
“Hello Tony, I’ll do my best”.
Saturday morning 5.30ish and everyone was alerted to the fact that Bob was awake when him and Colin started making cups of tea. Bob’s deep voice carried very well around the site managing to be heard even over Graham and Jethro’s snoring. Finally after a long wait it was time for breakfast to be served. After a hearty fry up and several cups of coffee most people were beginning to look more lively and the rideout discussion started. Jethro had sorted out some routes and reported these to someone else. However no one had done any maps which led to Steve and Graham getting a bit flustered while of course I sat and laughed at them which didn’t help their tempers much as I also reminded them of all the fun we had last year. So an hour or so later after we’d all purchased our rally memrobilia from Boyd’s Tenere market stall, everyone formed up in the car park ready to go. Graham led one group, the so called ‘short group’. Steve and Jethro led the other two groups. In the car park Rick said “who is going tail end charlie?” to which I replied, after checking out his bright yellow lid and jacket, “the person in the brightest clothes is easiest to see so I think the job is yours” and very good job he did to. As we pulled out I got straight in behind Jethro then checked to see who had followed and found all the dutch guys sitting behind me with big grins on their faces. Behind that I couldn’t tell who else was there as I had to concentrate on chasing Jethro.

The first part of the ride was along some roads I have never ridden before so I was being a bit cautious. We stopped for lunch in a services somewhere and met up with the other two groups, which I missed because while looking around I spotted across the road my third love, a Lancia Delta ‘Integrale’, so I spent lunch looking around it and chatting to the fellow owner. When I returned, Patrick was having some difficulty with a sticking rear brake so, using all my despatching experience, we sprayed some borrowed WD40 on it, which sorted it out. Then we rode in one big pack down through Rhayader and its annual carnival to the edge of the Elan valley. Steve knew a large layby just outside the town where we all stopped to split up and while all the bikes were together there was big group photo session. Now if all the people who took photos there of us all standing in front of the bikes could send their pics in to be put on the website we can have a game of spot the difference. Once the photo shoot was over we separated, the two fast groups going opposite ways around the lakes. Steve’s group started on the Aberstwyth road, Jethro’s group started on the visitor centre road and Graham’s group followed Steve.

After we went back through Rhayader we cut through to Beulah where Jethro thought we should get some fuel which is a problem with our small bikes being ridden so hard. While we were stopped Steve’s group came past. Once the bikes were filled and bladders were emptied we were on our way to the Upper Chapel road. Last year I had a big pant-filling moment on this section of road while chasing Jethro and had to slow down and let Roger on his SRX6 go past. So away we went Jethro in front then James on an XT600, then me, then Rene and behind that I still don’t know. After a couple of miles we caught up with Tony and Boyd who were at the back of Steve’s group. When Steve stopped to regroup, Jethro led us all straight past; now I thought we were going quick before but the last section into Brecon was beyond words. Jethro and I have raced together down this road a few times in the past but James comes from south of Bath and has probably never ridden it, but was determined not to lose the group leader. we went through a series of bends where I thought he wasn’t going to make any of them. Once we got to Brecon we stopped and waited for everyone, Jethro and Rick went into Brecon to find a sleeping mat and Steve led us all back to the site. I decided to follow Mr Plugs on his SZR but after the addrenalin rush of chasing Jethro and James I got bored and decided to overtake everyone. I wound my poor little bike up to the red line with my chin on the tank and wobbled my way past everyone till I caught up with Steve, who took one look in his mirror and showed what difference an extra 350cc make!

After we had all calmed down and got changed we went to the pub to discuss the days events, oh yes and drink beer. The short group had arrived back and we discovered that the short trip had covered 96 miles as opposed to the 108 miles covered by the long group! After dinner it was time for Graham’s annual address to the members and some awards.

Best standard; Dennis Wrey AJS350 (Despite volkswagon piston and Guzzi valves)

Best modified; Steve Hayward Yamaha SRX-6

Scruffiest; me, Simon Birch Honda CB250RS (I’m on the right).

Longest distance; Ton Ruis FT500 (I haven’t been given an official mileage but I think it was 500ish)

Best sidecar (or the dictator’s prize as he arrived on the only outfit); Colin Hilliard BMW F650 with a lot of luggage

Rally disaster; John Burns Yamaha SRX-6 whose exhaust can fell apart but he had some wood screws to repair it with.

I must just mention the also rans. Colin nearly won the rally disaster because of a leaking oil pressure switch.
Gary and his XBR500 would have won best standard or best modified if it had been with the others during the voting.

Richard and his XBR who very nearly got scruffiest.

Graham for coming so close to winning best sidecar by arriving on a sidecar and lastly thank you to all who voted my bike in the best modified.

After the awards more beer was consumed (although we were shocked to discover in the morning that the MZ owners, who had been at a rally at the pub the week before, actually drunk more real ale than us, which I think Jethro took personally) and tales of daring do recounted including the old one of me and a Vauxhall Astra in 2000 which I overheard in several places. It looks like I’ll never live that one down! Colin got a kitty together and purchased a couple of crates of lager (we did manage to drink more of that than the MZ boys) and we sat and drank the rest of the night and some of the morning away in front of a camp fire that Rob had insisted we collect wood for earlier in the day, well done Rob.

In the morning at about 6ish some of us were awoken by an FT500 riding away, I would like to say goodbye Bob, see you next year! Gradually everyone got up and headed for the shower and toilets. Most of us packed most of our stuff before wandering up for another big fry up. After that I had to leave to visit as many friends and family as I could in the short time I was there. I had an excellent time at the rally in total during my trip I covered just over 750miles so anyone who saw my seat will know why I have typed this report standing up!!
I hope to see you all here in france sometime next year and at the annual rally next year when I shall be trying to win the best standard bike award with the same bike so at least I’ll have a better seat.
Simon Birch